When the psyche scatters

This week, I went to see a homoeopath. I’d never been to see one, and it was a spur-of-the-moment thing when I was in town for a meeting and remembered that someone from the end-of-life Doula course who had studied homoeopathy had suggested I go. I checked to see if the alternative clinic in town had a homoeopath and emailed them to see if they had any slots in the day. At 4 p.m., I headed to the office after my meeting and sat in front of a lady. “So why have you come here today?” I thought, how will I explain that. So I thought, tell her everything, and so I did. Ten minutes in, she stopped me, got up, asked me to wait and left the room to get something. She returned with a bottle and dropped a tiny, translucent ball into my palm. I noticed my hands had been shaking. “This is for shock.”

I continued telling her the story, and my eyes darted towards the bottle. She looked at me, “Do you want another one?” before I could even think, my body was nodding. I had already been feeling the calming effects of whatever was in that tiny little ball. When she dropped another in my hand, I observed that my hands were freezing cold despite the unusual balmy October afternoon. I continued telling her the story, and she continued listening as she penned almost every other word I was saying. Seeing this story in black and white was rather strange, something quite real for an otherworldly journey. I mentioned that I had felt a cold that I couldn’t shift. “Where in your body?” she enquired, “right in my centre”, I replied, pointing towards the area. “That’s your solar plexus, and in homoeopathy, it’s where everything lands, and everything has been landing for you.”

She shared that “we tend to attract illnesses and addictions we are sensitive to”; in fact, both my mother and grandfather had lung issues. In fact, my entire trip to Colombia had their stories and energy interwoven throughout. Had I somehow attracted that into my body? It had barely been a few days since returning from Colombia, and I had caught a horrible cough from a friend I stayed with for one night. No one else around her had gotten it but me. The doctors at the hospital finally diagnosed me with whooping cough two months later and told me there was nothing to do as it had passed. It was a matter of letting my lungs heal, but three months on, I was still coughing, tired, achy, permanently cold, and unable to get enough air into my lungs. I shared all this with the homoeopath, and she continued, “But it also sounds like shock and grief”.

Then, I remembered something I had been pondering about since I got back: What had I lost due to that trip? What part of me have I scattered to keep myself safe? What was I disconnecting from to stay sane? If I’d learnt anything from walking the path I have, it is that these journeys aren’t without peril or sacrifice. Yes, there was a great reward, but it also came at a great expense.

“It is why many choose not to answer the call, ignore the inner agitation until it is so loud, they have no choice but to listen.”

In my case, it had been my health and my abundance that was most affected. One that I had managed to sort out but one that was being incredibly stubborn and refusing to shift no matter what the treatment.

I started realising that these journeys, which are, in fact, initiations, were simultaneously making my psyche scatter and also a journey of reclaiming the pieces of me that I’d felt I’d lost. In a recent therapy session, we had been exploring how when I experienced the miscarriage, I’d disconnected from my power because I needed to feel small to feel safe, so I sent my power into some unknown ether. The Colombia trip, unbeknownst to me at the start, would be one of reclaiming my power. Which, in fact, had come up in my ayahuasca ceremony as the answer to my question of “why had I been called to come to Colombia?” And yet that same journey had sent me into such a profound shock and grief that I had consciously disconnected some part of myself again to deal with what I’d experienced.

So it got me wondering, is this life just a continuous cycle of throwing parts of ourselves out into the world to keep ourselves safe and then having the courage to go on a journey to find it, shedding layers of our old self off and getting closer to who we really are each time?

With love and magic,

#AuthenticAlex

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I have evolved a lot in the past few years and so have my words, my work and my wisdom. That's why it feels time to birth a new brand and I can't wait to show you! If you've been following me a while, you know that my love for the healing journey and getting to the core of who I am is my purpose. Not only for me personally but also in guiding people on the same journey. That's why I'm super excited to launch new offerings supporting people in that way.

This work is deep. I hold space for you to bring whatever is present for you. Guiding you with practical wisdom, spiritual tools and myths that alchemise transformation for you to meet yourself. If this sounds like you, and you're interested in working with me on a 1:1 basis. I'm offering a free 20 mins call to see if we might be the right fit to work together.

I'm also opening up space to do some akashic record readings. For those unfamiliar with what it is, I'd recommend having a look at this article for an in detail explanation. In a nutshell, people that are trained can open up the library of your soul and look into the past, present and future to gain insight, awareness and guidance.

If you're curious and feel called, you can email me directly here: alex@authenticalex.com.